Long time, no post!

Sorry! It's been so hectic around here, between surgeries, the holidays, and life that I've neglected this blog. My bad!

I had my surgery and all went well. I will copy and paste what I posted on SheKnows:

There are three stages of AS. Mild, moderate, and severe. I have severe. 90-95%
of my uterus was scarred. He was able to remove it all, but he said (and I'm
using his terms here) that the top and bottom of my uterus are now "raw" and
that there will be "oozing." So, I go back in a week and a half for an in-office
hysteroscopy. He'll go in a break up the "ooz" so to speak. Then, I don't think
he'll do anything more until after the initial 60 days of hormone therapy is
done.

God has really given me a sense of peace. I do fret at times about it,
but I have to remind myself (actually one of my best friends who is an AWESOME
Christian reminded me) that I just need to nail it to the cross and leave it
there. God has it in his hands. So, when I begin to worry, I just look at the
cross and see it hanging there and I feel peace again. God is so good!

So, I went back in on the Monday after Thanksgiving so he could break up the ooz. When he got in, he said that there was no oozing, but that the top of my uterus had re-scarred a bit. The bottom and middle look great though and there is even some endometrium growing! WooHoo! My tubal openings are blocked due to scaring as of now. He wants to see how the rest of my uterus is going to do before attempting to remove that scar tissue to reveal the openings. He mentioned IVF if he's not able to open the tubes, but that's not an option due to money. I'm not too concerned though because I know God has a plan for me and my womb. If He wants me to have another child, He'll get those tubes cleared one way or another!

I have a feeling that my faith will be tested through this whole ordeal, but I've nailed it to the cross, so I have faith in myself that I will remain strong in Christ. He is, after all, the greatest of Healers.

God bless you all for following my story. I await the day that this will no longer define my every action, and I will be holding a child in my arms.

Much Love,

Tami

PS. I'll try to update more regularly, on every part of my life so that this doesn't define my every action!

Surgery... On Wednesday!

My surgery is scheduled for this Wednesday. I'm not going to give specifics for safety reasons, so if you could all just keep me in your thoughts/prayers all day long, I'd appreciate it. I'll try to update as soon as I can after the surgery. I don't know how much I'll know, but I'll update with what I can.

Thanks again for your support.

Surgery... Postponed...

I woke up sick today, so we've had to reschedule the surgery for next month. I'm a bit bummed, but I'll survive. Now I just have to get rid of this stinkin' cold! Ack!

The surgery is scheduled

I will receive my hysteroscopy with possible laparoscopy on Thursday, October 12th. I have my pre-op on the Tuesday before. My insurance said they will pay for 70% of the "allowable" amount, which means I'll have to pay for 30% up front, since the Dr. is out-of-network. But, let me make it clear. I WILL get that money back from the insurance company. They just don't know it yet. ;)

I'll try to update after the surgery to report what it looked like "in there." Thanks for keeping track of me, ladies. It means the world to me.

The countdown begins

I ovulated yesterday (September 17th.) So, 14-16 days from now, my spotting will start and I'll call the specialist to schedule my surgery. Eek! :D

A specialist, an insurance agent and a scarred uterus walk into a bar...

Yah. Don't we wish this was a funny joke. :D

I talked to my specialist a week ago and I have three words: I love him. He is awesome. I can't say enough good things about my first impression of him. He made me feel right at ease. Anyway, onto the medical stuff.

He starts the conversation out by telling me about the pathology report from my D&C. Not such good news. It seems as though some muscle was found. "Some" being the key word. He emphasized the fact that the report didn't say "a lot" or "substantial" just "some." What this means is that wherever that muscle came from in my uterus is now bald. Endometrium will never grow in that area. In his words "There is no such thing as Rogain for the uterus." (See why I love him?) He then began to tell me about when I get pregnant how things will be different.

If the placenta chooses to implant near the bald spot, I will more than likely develop placenta accreta (where the placenta embeds itself into the uterine wall, which I highly suspect is what happened with Savannah's placenta) and will have to have 3 and 4D ultrasounds to keep an eye on the placenta.

This also means that I will have a higher chance of hemorrhaging again. That being said, he suggests that I be induced so that we can be sure that there are plenty of medical personnel on hand at the hospital I am delivering at. I could also have a c-section. Blech to both of these options, but a mom's gotta do what a mom's gotta do. Of course, my dear (and most intelligent) friend Natalie mentioned researching hospitals to find some that have a full staff 7 days a week, 24 hours a day. Then I could forgo both options.

Next, we moved on to my endometrium. He had thought that he had read that at my last ultrasound, that I'd had a 13mm endo which is really good, given that an 8mm is all that's needed for an embryo to implant. I had recalled though, that the tech had said 3.7mm. He did have my files in front of him, but he couldn't find either of those numbers. I'm thinking he had my endo number mixed up with someone else's. He has a lot of patients like me (did I mention women fly from out of country just so he can do their surgeries? Oh, and that I love him?) so it is highly possible. We just moved on from there.

We talked for quite awhile about my delivery and the such. I then got right to the point and said, "So, when can you do my surgery?" I am supposed to call his office on the first day of my cycle (when my spotting starts) and they will schedule my surgery for 7-9 days after. So, that's only about 3-4 weeks away since I should be ovulating any day now (if not last night) and then 14-16 days after that, my spotting starts. I'm excited, but nervous all the same.

As for insurance. *sigh* The office manager at my ob office called and said that my primary insurance will not put a referral through for the specialist. They will deny the request. Which leaves me with my secondary insurance. I was hoping I wouldn't have to deal with it, but it looks like I may need to. I still have hope that the specialist office will be able to get something worked out without me having to step in. I seriously had a headache the size of Alaska the other day just thinking about it.

I am prepared though. I have all the letters written and the such, so that if it comes down to it, I can send it all in and say, "You HAVE to pay." I have faith that the financial side will be taken care of. My current ob is writing a referral for me anyway and addressing it to the secondary insurance saying that I need a specialist for this surgery. I'm hoping that helps a lot.

So, that's it for now. As always, I'll keep you update.

Thanks for the thoughts and prayers. Keep 'em coming!

Just a little update

I got a call from my ob yesterday. He said he got the report about the failed HSG. We agreed that it probably means that my cervix is scarred shut (well, there must be a little hole since I spot, but it could just be a pin-prick.) Anyway, he asked me about the specialist I want to see. I asked if he could refer me and he made it sound like he is going to. He wants me to talk to the specialist first and then have the specialist call him. So. The ball is rolling, even if it's really slow. I have a 12:30 phone appointment with the specialist tomorrow. Keep your fingers crossed.

HSG - Unsuccessful...

Unfortunately, the HSG today was unsuccessful. The doctor that was performing the procedure was unable to get the catheter into my uterus because of an "obstruction" in my cervix. This probably means that there is scar tissue covering my cervix. The procedure was very painful, but the part that hurt the worst was the not knowing. I cried in the bathroom because I was pretty devastated that there is scar tissue that low. I'm also at a loss as what to do.

I've sent an email to the specialist telling him about today's events, and I'm hoping he'll get back to me pretty quickly (he usually does.) I really didn't want to have to go back to my ob, but that is probably what I have to do. Hopefully he's not such an idiot that he doesn't take this as a clear sign that I have Asherman's. I pray that he understands what is going on and refers me to the specialist as soon as possible.

So, keep those prayers coming. I still have hope that this will all work out.

Friday is the day...

I go Friday morning to have the HSG (hysterosalpingogram) done. That's the test where they shoot dye into your uterus and then xray it to see how much scarring there is and if it is blocking the tubes. I'll have the films sent to the specialist and I'm hoping that they'll give me a set to bring to my current ob. So. I'll update you all with what I find out on Friday because I WILL be asking the tech questions. I saw what a normal xray should look like so I'm hoping I'll be able to make heads or tails of the films if/when I get them. My appointment is at 10am so if you could say a prayer, I'd appreciate it.

Much love,

Tami

The things they say

I really need to start writing down the cute things that Savannah says. This is definitely a scrapbook page.

We were driving in the car yesterday talking about birthdays. I said that Daddy's birthday was next. The conversation went like this:

"So, should we go out to dinner for Daddy's birthday?"

"Sure," she says.

"Where should we go?"

"I don't know, Mommy."

"Well," I say, "Where is your favorite place to eat?"

She replies matter-of-factly, "The table."

*snort* What a goof...

My new ob...

I went and saw the in-network ob/gyn yesterday. I don't have much confidence in him at all. Luckily, he won't be the one treating me for Asherman's.

First, he was stuck on the fact that I nursed Savannah for so long. He mentioned that I still had milk in my breasts so that could affect my hormones. This is after I already told him that my prolactin levels were normal. Having milk in still in my breasts is not uncommon at all. There are women that haven't nursed for YEARS and they still have milk. Duh!

Then, after the exam, I went to talk to him in his office. He is requesting an HSG, but mostly because I told him to. He then proceeded to tell me to go ahead and continue trying to get pregnant. Are you kidding me? If I do have Asherman's, which there is a 99.9% chance that I do, I should not be getting pregnant. From Ashermans.org: "You would be at a higher risk of miscarriage, placenta previa, placenta increta, bleeding during pregnancy and stillbirth. It is recommended that women with Asherman's NOT attempt pregnancy until they have had their scar tissue removed. This is why it is advisable to use birth control until you and your doctor are confident you are scar-free."

I emailed the specialist to tell him that I did request my records be sent to him, so he should receive them within that next few weeks. I then told him that I'm hoping that this new doctor refers me straight to him as soon as the Asherman's is confirmed. He said that he'll call the doctor to try to "smooth over the transition process." I have been blessed!

Anyway. I'm sort of in limbo for the next few weeks since I can't even get the HSG for at least another 3. Once that gets done, assuming the radiologist does a good job with it, and the Asherman's is confirmed, I will go see the specialist. I'm praying (yes, praying. That's a post in and of itself) that this all happens pretty quickly after that and I will be pregnant by my birthday in February. I couldn't think of a better birthday present... :D

Asherman's Syndrome

Make sure that you have read my previous post before you read this one. It is a continuation...

So, after bawling my eyes out, I decide that it is just stupid to have to wait 2 months to figure out if I have Asherman's. I need to know now. So, I call my midwife and leave a message saying that I want an ultrasound done (which I had actually already learned is not the way to diagnose Asherman's but it was a start) to see if Asherman's was a possibility. The next day I received a call from her and she got me in for an ultrasound and to see my ob/gyn.

Before going in, I went onto my new life line at the Asherman's support group and got the name of a wonderful doctor in Los Angeles that specializes in correcting Asherman's. I actually emailed him before I left telling him my story. Without even seeing me, he believes that I do indeed have Asherman's.

Anyway, I go into my current ob's office and they do the ultrasound where they find that my uterus at it's thickest point is only 3mm thick when it should be at least 8mm at that time in my cycle. I was also ovulating at the time which was good because it proved that I am ovulating.

My ob/gyn says that she wants to schedule a hysterosalpingogram (HSG) where they shoot dye into the uterus to check the lining and detect scaring and to see if the fallopian tubes are open. This test needs to be done on the 12th or 13th day of my cycle, which I was actually on at the time I was there. However, they couldn't do it that day, so I'll have to wait until next cycle.

I go home and decide that I should actually go into my clinic since they can refer me to an ob/gyn to do the procedure so that I don't have to pay any out of pocket. My current ob/gyn isn't in my network, so I'd have to pay 20%. My only concern now is getting insurance to pay for the specialist.

I call and get an appointment with my clinic, which I went into today. The doctor that I saw was not familiar with Asherman's but she did give me hope that my insurance will pay for the specialist. She gave me a referral to a local, in network ob/gyn of which I got an appointment for this Monday. Our hope is that this ob/gyn will confirm the diagnoses and then refer me to the specialist.

The reason I am so set on this specialist is because he has done 1000 Asherman's surgeries over the past 30 years. Less than 10% of his patients need more than one surgery. And the ones that do need more than one are usually the ones that went to another doctor first. If a doctor is not familiar with the procedure, they can actually make it worse. This is one fight I will not give up on, even if I have to pay for him out of my own pocket...

So, I will try to keep this blog updated as much as physically and emotionally possible.

Thanks, and much love!

Tami

Where to begin...

I honestly don't know where to start. Should I use the "worst fears realized" line? Should I start with my sob story? Should I start with just the facts? I guess I should just start at the beginning...

After Savannah was born, my midwife told me that I had a short umbilical cord, so instead of placing her on my chest, she could only reach my stomach. I had a hard time expelling my placenta. It came out in pieces and the midwife was forced to piece it together to be sure she got it all. She called it "sticky placenta."

About 30 minutes later, Wayne was holding Savannah when the room started to spin and I blacked out. It seemed as though my uterus was hemorrhaging, and I was put on an IV and given pitocin. I had to stay in the hospital for an extra day to get my blood levels back up.

Three weeks later I woke up to a wet bed. I had begun to hemorrhage again. Wayne grabbed our newborn and myself and we headed to the emergency room where they performed and ultrasound. It seemed as though I had a retained placenta.

A few days later I went into the ob/gyn that worked in the same office as my midwives. She performed a D&C (dilation and curettage) in her office noting that there was only a 5% chance that I would hemorrhage. Well, I began to hemorrhage after she finally was able to remove a very stubborn piece of placenta.

I was again rushed to the ER where a balloon was inserted into my uterus in order to stop the bleeding. I was in the hospital for 3 days and 2 nights (away from my then three week old baby, mind you.) I was put on super strong anti-biotics in case any infection had occurred over the three weeks that the retained placenta was in my uterus. I was pumping every two hours since I'd be damned if this would affect my milk supply for my daughter.

Fast forward 2 years. I was trying to prepare my body to TTC (try to conceive) again, but had yet to get AF (a period) back. I did have some spotting, but I figured that AF wasn't back full force yet because I was still nursing my daughter. So, in March of 2006 I weaned her at 2 1/2 years old. I waited a few months, and still just spotting.

At this point I start to get a bit concerned, not that anything major is wrong, but that my body is having a hard time regulating my hormones, so I take a trip to the midwives. I tell her my concerns, and how I haven't gotten AF back. Her first thought, although she didn't say it formally, was Asherman's Syndrome. How she explained Asherman's is that the inside of the uterus is covered in scars, which to my thinking, would be easily explained by my after-birth experience.

We talk about other reasons, like hormones, but this Asherman's Syndrome is stuck in my head. She sends me off saying that I should chart my cycles for two months to see if I'm ovulating and then come back in to see an ob/gyn since she isn't qualified to handle such things.

The whole hour drive home I cry my eyes out. She made Asherman's (which in my gut I knew I had) was irreversible and that I wouldn't be able to get pregnant again. So, the first thing I do when I get home is research Asherman's and found this:

From www.ashermans.org :

"If the patient has had a D & C and this was done between the 2nd & 4th weeks after delivery, she has a very high risk of developing Asherman's Syndrome, a risk which is probably increased if she is breast feeding (due to low estrogen) and which may be diminished if some steps are taken soon.

If retained placenta is suspected, IT IS NECESSARY TO HAVE AN ULTRASOUND AS SOON AS POSSIBLE. If there is a significant amount of retained placental tissue (the finding of a "complete and intact" placenta at the time of delivery is not 100% accurate), this is an accident waiting to happen!"

This all but confirmed it for me. Retained placenta. D&C three weeks postpartum. Breastfeeding at the time. Yah. I was sure.

I was very lucky to have found an online community through www.ashermans.org and joined immediately even though I have yet to be diagnosed. They have flooded me with a wealth of knowledge to where I actually feel that there is hope that someday, in the not so far away future, my womb will once again be fruitful.

So, this blog will more than likely be filled with updates on my prognoses as well as treatments. I'm actually going to do some updating right now, but I will start a new entry.

All of your thoughts and prayers are greatly appreciated.

Much love,

Tami

Is she cute, or what?

Okay. I know. Everyone thinks their kid is the cutest. But come on! Look at her? And you can't even see her feet. She's wearing hot pink flip flops. My work here is done. We know who has the cutest kid. ;)

To watch or not to watch...

That is the question. American Idol is on tonight, but I'm not sure if I really even want to watch it. My heart was torn out when Chris was voted off. I'm still pulling for Katherine though, so perhaps I'll watch and vote for her again and again and again. That is all. :)

Blech!

I'm sick. Yep. Sick. My throat is still sore, my chest is congested, and I've lost my voice. It could be worse though. Or so I've been told.

The homeopathics and herbs must still have helped some, because I ran into a woman at the market today who had the same thing as me. She was so bad that she was taking vicadin for her throat. And she said it was really sore (like mine was on day 1) for two weeks. I think I'd be on vicadin too, if that was the case. But now I'm just uncomfortable.

I have to say though, that Savannah is just the sweetest. She is so concerned about me. We woke up this morning, and I had to explain to her that my voice was still gone and that I was still sick. She pats me on the arm and says, "Lay down and rest, mommy. Close your eyes." I just love her...

Anyway, I've popped a couple of convensional medicine capsule (shh, don't tell my holistic friends!) and am going downstairs to rest.

Why I love (and hate!) holistic medicine

I'm having a love/hate relationship with my herbal and homeopathic remedies today. Just yesterday, I was complaining to Wayne about how sick I was getting. I seriously felt like my head was in a vice. My throat hurt so much that the only thing that kept going through my head was a commercial from about 15 years ago, "It'll hurt if I swallow," and it did! So much so that I couldn't sleep last night because everytime I swallowed, it woke me up. My neck was so stiff because my glands we so swollen. Ug. That's all I can say about how I felt. Ug.

Well, at the first sign that I was getting sick, I popped three "tabbies" of Ferrum Phos in a 3x and the last of my Nutribiotic Defense Plus as well as a dropper full of eleuthero root (or siberian ginseng.) I then proceeded to give Savannah a dropper full of Mommy's All Better to boost her immune system to help ensure that she doesn't get what is obviously going to be the worst cold ever. (All of these, with the exception of the eleuthero root can be purchased at All Natural Mamas.)

So, I go to bed hoping that lying down is going to help. Not a chance. Like I mentioned before, every time I swallowed, it woke me up. I didn't sleep well at all. When Wayne kissed me goodbye before going to work, I just mouthed the words "Love you" because I knew that saying them out loud would hurt like hell. I just knew my day was going to suck because Savannah just wants to play, and I just want to lie on the couch all day.

Finally, I muster up enough courage to get out of bed and try to start my day. I go downstairs, eat a small breakfast and take all my vitamins (that is another blog in and of itself) along with two ibuprofen. Oh. I also take another dropper full of eleuthero root. I'm actually not feeling half bad by that time, but I just know it's going to get worse. After about a half hour, my throat barely hurts, I can turn my neck without wincing, and I'm no longer aching. No f'ing way.

At this point, I'm ecstatic that my remedies worked. I'm not going to get that sick! WooHoo! Then it hits me. Damn. I bitched and complained to Wayne all night the night before about how sick I was getting and now I'm pretty much fine. Now I'm beginning to hate the effectiveness of my remedies. He's never going to believe I went from my death-bed to "Eh. It's not that bad." Should I milk it? Keep up the rouse that I'd rather bang my head into a wall that feel the way I do? Nah. This stuff works, and he should know it by now. So he calls, I tell him I'm fine, and he doesn't even blink an eye. Cool.

I am getting a bit achy now, at 8:33pm, but I'm just going to continue the Ferrum Phos, eleuthero root, and ibuprofen, and I'm sure I'll be fine.

My favorite time of day

When asked what my favorited smell in the entire world is, I always answer "The top of Savannah's head." You could line up 10 different children in front of me, put a blind fold on my eyes, and I could 'sniff' out my own child.

So, as I'm sitting in our bed last night, rocking Savannah to sleep, I continue to smell the top of her head. Complete happiness washes over me, and I realize: this my favorite time of the day. It's a time where I can not only reflect on the happenings of the day, but where I can just hold my very busy toddler. Yes, she hugs and kisses me throughout the day, but nothing compares to that moment when she is lying in my lap with her sleepy head in my arms. Could it be any better? The answer is yes. Very softly, in almost a whisper I hear her say "Night-night, mommy. I 'fuff you." Yes. This is my favorite time of day.

She who thinks she's funny, but who is not.

Well, this is going to be my lame attempt at blogging. I'm not funny. I'm not witty. And I can't spell. Not to mention that my life is pretty boring, so don't expect much from me.